As I was walking off your Mr. Sparkly Eyes said, Hey, please just give me a smile. I sent him a text. A lot of you little blog readers have asked why I am calling this baby Poppy for now. Thats how I like it., Him: I know you insist on doing allthese things alone, but its not the way it should be. I wont ever love the month of May again. My brain/emotions are fried. That is actually a big fat lie. Its amazing the way she seemsto beworking her little magic on all of us. My heart will forever be broken in a way that is just not repairable. How much you hated them. Im so lucky to have her, Ro. I may have had a mini freak out last night in our hotel room. You deserved better, Ronan and I will forever be so sorry that after everything that we tried and did for you that it death was still the final outcome. I have a few more weeks before I will find out. Liam of course tried to tell me it was just another cat. I dont like when I have to stay cooped up all day, not running around doing 50 million things. I finished the lake and my knee actually felt o.k. I saw my OBGYN as well. Clutch phone to look at your face. Its hard to have the all ripped away and still look on the bright side of things. Posted on December 1, 2021 Categories Uncategorized Tags All good things are wild and free, bereaved parents, Cancer, childhood cancer, Childhood Disease, doctors, Family, Grief, Health, honesty, maya thompson, Mr. Sparkly Eyes, Music, Neuroblastoma, raw, reality, Rockstar Ronan, Ronan, ronan thompson, sadness, strength, Taylor Swift, tears . Of course I listened. They cant. Liz. I think Im dying. A little seal with the biggest eyes. God Bless your beautiful family! How could it be with your sweet sister snuggled up to me? Whats going on? You two had a bond and almost a secret language. Early life. In a way that I havent been able to do since you died. The entire tree is going to be blue and white. Thats all for tonight. Meg. You were just so happy being home with all of us. Reliving the things you went through, has not been fun and its not what I want this book to be about, so Ive been trying to make this section, as short as possible. No eating required. Your brothers are playing a slew of sports 24/7. Ive noticed my heart racing a lot like I am having panic attacks again. with you being somewhere else. I got a text from your Sparkly. You know that better than anyone. I left the hospital, waiting to hear the news that was the only news there could be. I look forward to hearing her speak tomorrow. I worry about her so much already. The Story of Taylor Swift's 'Ronan' Told by the Real Mom It's - Insider Liam happily snapped my pics and laughed at my goofy posing/fake running. I have tried to be as productive as possible. Tonight a big dose of reality is waiting for me as I step off this plane. That is why it is so important to me to have most of my days, planned out. I ended up walking a bit too but I was fine with that. I had all I could take. Mandy Bee offered to come and sit with them while I went back for my appointment. How stopping will make me want to run up my mountain 8 months pregnant and not come back down. Everything feels extra heavy, hard, sad, and the slightest things take up every ounce of energy I have just to get through the day. Nobody was there. NYC with our Fairy RoMo is my paradise. He is the last person I told today. I cannot part with your toys, clothes, stuffed animals, books, blankets, pictures on the walls. I put down the blanket that you died on and on top of that I set out all of your favorite things. 2 a.m. Insomnia Parties With A Raccoon and ACat. With you watching over her, with a daddy like yours, and your big brothers, too. Ive been keeping myself busy enough because my life depends on it. What if I totally freak out and lose it? Im mentally tapped out. I said, Sure! Of course you know I am so impatient when it comes to all things being pregnant. As frustrated and sad as I am, this just motivates me more to continue this fight. I am awake now. I cannot seem to function. I love you to the moon and back. Shot after shot after shot. Oh, that would just be because Ive been crying all day. Why so much today? I went, not knowing what to expect and it was a total adventure. Alright little man. I feel like I am back there again. Thanks for not listening, or caring in my opinion. After the Lacrosse game, we all went to lunch. Darling. #cryingallday. And I keep reminding your daddy that yes, that is right, but it is also because you thought you were going to be here to help take care of him or her and be the best big brother ever. I love you so much. Every year since you left when Mr. Sparkly Eyes' birthday rolls around, I always give him a card that I've made for him through my iPhoto with a picture of you on it. Bye Bye Little Sad House! We Have a New Home! - ROCKSTAR RONAN She is a hard core vegetarian and has been so for over 20 years. They dont have a clue as to what they can tell me about this time around. Today you will be slapped in the face with the reminder that everything is AWESOME in AZ because it is a perfectly sunny happy fucking day. For those of you who have been trying to order some things on our Big Cartel site, I SO apologize. I can not wait to have an actual place to go to where I will be a thousand times more productive. I think my eyes do too. super-420-mom 12y. Sweet dreams, baby doll. I think Im having a mid-life crisis. Why the fuck did this happen? I talked to George Clooney last night and Im going to run off with him. (inside joke, but I really did freaking talk to George Clooney thanks to one Fairy Bad Ass RoMo) And my all time favorite, Where is Ronan and who is taking care of him? I got sat down and talked to in the harshest but kindest way. "My darling, call the number back." This came from the man who answers every phone call from every unknown number that rings him up . I was in a world that I normally dont live in anymore. Woody called me from the plane and told me what had happened. I dont know why you continue to do things like this. I have the best doctor I know in Omaha at the ER waiting for you. Ronan will be a part of both of their names, regardless of the sex of the baby. Becca. But now we have an office! Thank you to all of my rad hometown babes who worked so hard to get this all done. I am thankful for the friends that are like family who will help us get through the day. I spent the rest of the day, resting and trying not to be resentful for it. Our seal needed a little make-over and update. You are back now so please just take these next few days to just stop. I was wrong. I told them what I have been thinking. I might just fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight and I might just be going out to New York City in a few weeks. Maya! They are at practice now. Tomorrow, I will bake with Macy. I feel myself slipping into my alone place, not wanting to connect with anyone. Everything seems to be suffocating me. Goodnight, mommy. So much so that I am wondering if Ill become a vegetarian after this. I am trying to get excited about Poppy, but all I can focus on is not having you physically here to be a part of her life. Listen, I cannot even fathom what you have gone through and will go through for the rest of your life. I only wish it were your body wearing it. Dr. Sholler gets in Friday night to me my surrogate runner and I am so excited to see her and have her here. I let my body break down like it has been wanting to do. Im so sad and I cant stop crying. I hope you are safe. But due to the fucked up things that go on in my head, I have convinced myself that if we had live here, you would not have gotten cancer and died. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. It was so not fair or right. I gave in after trying everything to go to sleep last night, and popped my old friend, Ambien. You have no idea how glad I am you didnt listen to me on that one. It makes me feel happy. I hope you are safe. I love you, Sparkly.. maya thompson - Page 2 - ROCKSTAR RONAN I am still pretty sick. All I can say is I cannot believe all of this. Once in a formal setting and once again, outside of her office. Mr. Sparkly Eyes called. Not because he thinks I am wrong, but I think he likes to provoke me into thinking long and hard about things from every angle, before I take such a strong stance. I can do this. Not cancer) which you know I am always thankful for. How do I even put into words, who he is? I would give anything to have you here to cuddle up to because I cant sleep. Talk about another huge sign! I hope today I can manage to be a little productive. But because I know what happens when I listen to that song. I would like to think so. Everyday normal things will no longer exist in my life again. His keys, our son, on our dresser. Even if you dont mean it or dont feel like it. I am always the most intense when I am the saddest/on the verge of jumping out of our 7 story hotel room. I needed a break from MY reality today which is exactly what I got. Mission accomplished without having a breakdown. So, where to start? Ill let you know when I know more. How you would scream and cry and try to be brave, but you hated it so much. A lot of time at home, which is still hard for me. Of course I said yes and that is pretty much all I did. I am so excited to meet this beautiful gift you have given us. I was so glad I didnt have to sit there alone. Mr. Sparkly Eyes - Page 2 - ROCKSTAR RONAN Sweet dreams, baby boy. About you and all of these other kids who are dying left and right from childhood cancer.I am so thankful for the people who are now paying attention and fighting the good fight, but I just dont understand whythe wholeworld isnt in an uproar over this. I love you. Hearing those words from her meant a lot to me. My phone rang. I kind of crawled over to him and gave him a big hug. Quinn looked at me and said, Why do you want to name her Poppy? Last night, when I woke up in that hotel room, only to find your daddy and brothers, and you were nowhere to be found.. well, what can I say? I ran the lake as fast as I could with an injured knee from my previous running that I have been doing. Clarity tonight is mine and I'm not letting it go. Why would I want to break it anymore? I talked to Macy about my trip out to San Francisco for Teddys celebration of life. She also told me she hoped I was o.k. I still feel like I have post traumatic stress syndrome over the things we went through. Your Sparkly. She has a son that she is absolutely insanely in love with and she completely gets the bond that I have with you. I grab my Ambien that I now only take due to emergencies. "Ronan" was released on September 8, 2012, as a charity song by Taylor Swift. It was actually all I could do, not to run up to the podium and hijack the speakers talk. My list will include the things that are truly important such as the health of your brothers, this Poppy baby, your daddy, our loved ones and for all the people who have been touched by your story and who are helping keep you alive in a way. Not even a trip to the grocery store, the car wash, the bank, etc Even the littlest things are different. I hope you are safe. Today was as good of a day, as it could have been. A mother doesnt survive something like this. A world of shiny, happy people. It shouldnt be, because of this beyond fucked up fuckery that she is surviving. We shall see, right Ro baby. I may have lost it last week which left me doing my normal screams and crying to your Mr. Sparkly Eyes. Maybe Ill take in on in my free time. Not because I dont love it. I should know more, soon. I will never stop apologizing for this. Its the walking out with it that I just cannot bring myself to do. Throw up. Its fluff and fluff does not work for me. I fall asleep easily much of the time, only to wake up like clock work around the time you passed away. Surgery was done, to remove what was there. She is doing amazing things with it. She has a Ronan. God, you would have loved that game. If that wasnt enough to make me cry, the next thing was. I will never understand why all of these kids are swept under the rug. Lights out for the next 7 hours. So we would be doing all different things. We are truly grateful to have him on our side. Consider it done. he said. What a fucking joke. I know she did not have to do this. Thats what landed me in bed and somehow sucked me into the land of reality television which is so far from reality that it makes me want to barf. My little hometown showed some major RoLove today. Yup. All happy and carefree. I feel calmer and more peaceful than I have in a very long time. I kind of miss my Ambien is the devil days. on Do you think there will ever come a time when Christmas lights wont be blurry from mytears? But oh, how much fun would a little baby girl be. You know that speaks volumes in my book. I heard her mom call out her name. These kids, deserve to be embraced. Ill enjoy them while I can:) I was productive yesterday. Really hard in the way that I felt not long after losing you. It is her birthday today. Ronan, do you want to know the one question I get asked, all the time? I know we can change this. At least my anger seems to be under control. I love reading all of your comments. Im a mom whose heart is broken into a million pieces because this little boy, was mine. I miss you. After the race I got a chance to meet some really lovely people who all love you so much. I wont do it. Their happy, is too loud. I know what that feels like. I let the tears, sweat, and vomit take over my world for 3 days straight. Starr was a mainstay for numerous wrestling territories throughout the 1970s and 80s, capturing almost three dozen championships throughout his career [4] including two reigns as NWA World Junior . Its just too perfect., Your daddy a.k.a. Heres how Im going to get through the next two months. Everything looks perfect, just the way things looked with you, too. But it still feels a little like a betrayal to you. Alright little man. THANK YOU. You werent naughty. Yes, it is wrong. 0 faves. Proof that you are still here, taking care of me, the best way that you can. I never have and never will. They are such good little boys. I love you. Your daddy went out last night. I think I told you that I tried to prep, with Dr. JoRo about this whole getting pregnant thing. It is the pieces of pretend that give me a break from our reality. She told me how she found out at 12 weeks here with both of her boys. I know we are and will change this world in a very big way but FUCK. Just when I have been struggling on a little side project the past few days. I needed the blackness of the night that only exists due to this little frienemy of mine. I am so proud of them both not only today, but always.
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